..my dear woman... :)

reading her lips is ecstasy  
fr she is
but a mug of romance



...beyond dis faceless crowd..
..amidst d din of people..
..lies d comfort  of my solitude..
..d reason fr my literary curiosity..
..beyond dis wall of endless tyranny..
..lies d pastures of my freedom..
..d feather to my wings..
..and flight to my words..
..beyond dis wail of loneliness..
..lies d warmth of my companion..
.. i cant resist her vapours..
..as she fumes n calls me..seeking her company..
..beyond dis face of my innocence..
..lies d reason fr d rage of my poems..
..fr she transforms me into a warrior..
..arming me wid words..
..laced wid bows,arrows,spears n cannons..
..beyond dis macabre dance of lies..
..lies d honesty of her aroma..
..fr she gives ointment to my wounds..
..and stalks me wid her fumes..
...beyond dis enemy lines...

.. i am surrounded by enemies..
...n i seek solace in her simmering chest..
.. fr she is..my dear  ' woman  '...
..' my boiling cup of tea '...     ;)  :)

..an ode to my mother..

No painter's brush nor poet's pen

In justice to her fame 

Has reached half high enough

To write a mother's name

 
..fr every moan dat escaped you during my birth...
.every bit of my flesh i owe to u 'O Mother'..
..in great pain did you bear me fr my existence..
..all my pain belittles in front of you ' O Mother '..
..wen i feared tripping in d depths of darkness...
..u acted as my cane n embraced me wid ur light..
..wen without a second u gave ur life fr mine..
..dat very moment my heart belonged to u frever..
..i remember wen my father punished me...
..it was always ur love dat stopped him...
..ur heart was a deep abyss..
..at d bottom of which i always found forgiveness..
..you worked hard till ur limbs did hurt...
..but never thought of blaming me fr d pain....
..der was only one pretty child in d world..
..and in ur eyes it was always me ' O Mother  '...
..ur love fr me knew no infinite...
..it cud make d earth stop n heavens tremble....
..in d heavens above even d angels started crying...
..seeing d love so devotional like urs ' O Mother '..
....you were always my first love...

...n in my ' first love '  i found my liberation..

..great wars n battles wr fought by warriors,kings n men...
....but d bravest battle dat was ever fought...
..ll nt b found in d pages of history written by men...
...it was silently fought by you  ' O Mother '...
...we speak of diamonds n jewel...
.. u were d jewel in my life dat i ll always treasure...
...we speak of pain n torture...

..d pain was d look in ur eyes wen i saw u d last time..

..d torture was in seeing tears fall frm d angelic eyes of my mother..
..kill me,skin me,peel me,punish me..do as u wish God...

 ..but never let tears fall frm d beautiful eyes of my mother...
...ur flesh still slumbers in me...
..and even now only after my eyes close..ur heart sleeps...
..u share wid me a ' bond ' dat even d God's do envy...
..a bond dat is so dear dat only a mother can understand... :( :(

...long ago... :(

in ur light i learnt how to love

in ur beauty how to make poems

' you ' danced inside  my chest 

where no one saw ' you '

but sometimes I did

and that sight became this art

..long ago i was free...
..today i m free but chained to ur thoughts...
..long ago i was a normal being...
..today i am but slowly going insane...
..long ago i was happy  in sunrise of my tomorrows...
..today i am happy but in d yesterday of my happiness...
..long ago i breathed in happiness...
...today i breathe but in d heartbeat of our memories...
...long ago i nurtured a dream..
..today i nurture but d flowers around d tomb of our dreams...
.. long ago i was blinded in love...
...today i am blinded but only by tears...
...long ago i feared i wud die if i didn t had ' you '...
...today half of me is dead n ' death ' seems ' inferior '...
...long ago i missed you as a person...
...today i miss dat person i ' thought '  u were...
...long ago only sticks,stones and words did hurt...
...today your  ' silence '  is tearing me apart...
..long ago you were d light of my life...
..today d light of my life is fading wid ur light...
...long ago i encountered  love,d moment i found ur love..
..today love is but just a meaningless ' word '...
..long ago my heart was a prairie teeming wid life..
..today it is but a ghost town haunted by ur memories...
..long ago you told me a beautiful lie...
..today i am content in all those beautiful lies...
..long ago you were d dancing letters of my page...
...today you are but a beautiful page of my past...
...long ago i sank myself in ur jokes n laughter...
..today i m drowning but in d shrieks  of ur ' silence '...
..long ago i wanted to live forever...
..today i exist but  feel cursed wid longevity... :( :(

... miss ' you ' .... :( :(

....d nights are long...
...my days are cold...
....' you '  besides me..
..it feels so long ago...
..as I think of ' you '...
.. a tear drop falls down...
 ..i really want to see  ' you ' ...
..i really wish i could...
..i m really missing ' you ' ...
..and i don't knw how...
..i am gonna make it thru...
..but i got to hold strong fr ' us ' two...
..i am a  man...
..its a job tht i got to do...
..so i go outside n fake a smile..
..but if they only knew..
..just hw many miles..
..were between love so true...
..i really can't cope d way dat we do...
..and i m really missing ' you  ' ...
.. wen u r near..
..all of my visions are clear...
..but like a magic show...
..i blink n den ' you ' disappear...
..i really want to see ' you ' ..
..i wish i cud...
...but may b one day ....
..not too far away..
..we can turn...
..all our dreams into memories..
..i really want to see ' you '...
..' you '  know i do.... :(

...bewitching ladakh..... ;) :) ;)

O Solitude!
if i must with thee dwell,
Let it nt b among d jumbled heap of murky buildings

..fr in ' silence ' i find my solitude...
..fr d monotony of a quiet life  stimulates d creative mind in me...
 ..fr in ' silence ' n solitude i find my independence...
..fr in silence i find d richness of self..
..fr d more inclined i m towards d religion of solitude,d more powerful n original my mind becomes...
..fr in silence i find my strength..
..fr in silence i can travel towards d infinite.. 
..fr in silence i can peacefully create my words...
..fr in silence i feel no longer a mortal..
..fr thru my ' living words ' i can scream to immortality...


 
..d carpet of velvet was strewn wid d white n brown grains of sand dat glinted in d sun..d carpet was d valley of L.A.D.A.K.H ....n d grains of sand were d houses of d town's urban sprawl,seen frm 1000 feet above...seatin on d seat in d plane...i drank in d spectacular view n cud sense d cool mountain breeze,fragrant wid dos two most seductive  n elusive of d spices  : ' silence ' n ' solitude  '...
...L.E.H  is a sleepy little town ,ringed by d emerald terraces of wheat fields n thin parches of scattered green...
..delhi...d city wer i study ryte nw...is  a city havin population dat has swelled into monstrous size,it is a place wid choked streets spewing pollution,ear splitting shrieks of automotive horns greet us everyday...
..i belong to LADAKH..n my place is an ideal getaway frm d noise n d clamour of an increasingly overpopulated planet..its a perfect retreat fr ppl suffering frm urban shell shock..and d cure it offers consists of ' quietness  ' n a sense of ' soliditary ' space...it can also drown u in its rustic charm..n weave around you its magical spell of absence..d absence of d crowds..d absence of d noise..d absence of d teeming crowds...
..but sadly dey r being lost forever to d relentless encroachment of progress..d beauty of ladakh is gettin lost in d greed of makin more money...ppl out der are turning blind as der eyes have become tinted wid d colour of money...
..i feel like a miser about such beautiful places..n i wish i cud hoard it in secrecy,d way a ' miser ' hoards his gold...
..Gold...even at d record prices dat it has reached today can still b bought...but i feat dat ' silence  ' n ' stillness ' n d places wer dey r to b found,will soon b beyond d power of money or love...or both to purchase...
..fearing dis i wud like to keep such places hidden,out of d sight of d others,fr ' silence  ' n ' solitude  ' r more difficult to share dan even a miser's gold...
...but even as a miser fearful of theft is tempted to disclose his secret gold to strangers if only bcoz he covets der envy which ll make him feel even richer dan he already does-- i can't help but spill d beans abt my hidden treasures... :) ;)

..every breath i will lend.. :) :(

..if ur beginning shall need my end..
..for u every breath i ll lend..
...if ur happiness shall need me in sorrow...
..every pain in d world i ll happily borrow..
..if ur life shall need me perished...
..i shall forget every dream i cherished....
..if i cannot see happiness in ur eyes..
..i ll cry tears even while i m sitting in paradise...
..if in ur heart a place i cannot win..
..even a place in heaven is a bin ...
..if in ur heart a flower i cannot nurse..
..all d happiness of d world for me is a curse...
..if even am painted a ' castaway ' to an isolated lagoon..
..with u besides me..i ll consider it a boon...
...if d people around have my name demonized...
..i wudnt bother if only  i have ' you '  realized...
..if sumthin  dat keeps me happy makes ur eyes moisten..
..even d sweetest nectar wud taste like poison...
..if only my ' death ' shall forever open d gates to ur heart...
...i wud merrily embrace it n to d other world i shall depart...
..if den only my ' name  ' in ur heart u ll forever carve...
..i ll ' smile ' even as i lay sleeping in my grave... 
..if even then my love puts u in pain..
..i wud rise up frm my slumber  to have it slain.. :(

..auburn beauty.. :) ;)

..der lives a girl who's sugar n  sweet..
..it was destiny dat made us meet...
..armed wid a cannon..dis ' pretty ' software engineer '...
..is all set to conquer d world n domineer..
..' a magic sorrounds dis girl '..i saw a truth fairy declare..
..so in my  poem ..i try bring her pure naked soul to bare..
..she's courageous,dauntless,gritty n ' brave '..
..all des qualities in her..is wht i rave...
..one look at her ll take u on a flight to heaven..
..dats d magic of dis ' dusky ' raven...
..hates ppl who do fag n smoke..
..is tht y??? infront of her sinners like me tremble n choke...
...she doesn't believe in d word ' impossible '...
..coz anything fr her is achievable..
..loves readin d world of angels n demons..
..den into her own little world she crayons...
..Oh!!!..her beauty..every poet does crave...
..dis ' nymph ' can make any poet her slave..
...her pictures  are poetry spillin frm every frame..
..dats d unseen talent of dis ' brunette dame '...
.. a poem of ' emotions ' surging ahead like a stream..
..des images come alive..talk,romance,orate,cry n scream..
..her camera goes click,click,click..showin u her creative prowess..
...dats d fictive  power of dis auburn duchess...
..though miles seperate us..one thing keeps us glued..
..its our love fr one common thing..dat is food...
..i saw a canary flying by..as it cooingly sang...
..dat ' her,me n maggie  do make a perfect gang '... :)
..if God asked me fr a ' wish ' dat i cud transgress....
..it wud b gettin drunk in d beauty of dis brown sorceress ..
.. ' I ' wud b willing to b in His slender chains...
..if in d labyrinths..with my ' gang ' i was to forever detain... :) ;)

..d beast awakens...

..water kept on pourin down..
..d heavens opened up creatin in a  sense of fear..
..d streams swole,banks overflowed,day turned into night..
..but still d rain poured like a hose..
..den black pregnant clouds did burst...
...growling...splitting d earth.. water came gushing....in a mood to slaughter..
....everyone in d sleepy villages felt d tremor..
..setting everyone's heartbeat into a pulsating race...
..d sound was enormous..like a beast  awoken frm his sleep..
....people fled fr d hills..runnin frm nature's onslaught..
..d sight was unimaginable...horrific..gory..macabre..
..like a monster..weedy murk came around swallowing everythin on its way..
..sweeping stubborn layers of noxious debris...
..with sheets of muddy water encapsulating low land..
..uprooting trees frm d deep recesses of ground..
..sparing none..submergin all visible land...
..shrieks,wails,shouts,screams everywer..followed by a deafening silence...
...d dead lay scattered al around..buried under d rubble..
...hundreds of dreams lay 'dead'....crushed to death amidst d roar..
...d rain still continued wid unrelenting fury..
..though d dead cud did nt shout  anymore..
...it still growled,roared n blooded for more...

..rising above d turmoil..d ppl still stood united..
.mothers,fathers,sons,daughters..stood..hand in hand..
...water licked der knees..tears welled der eyes...
..but dey made a pledge..not to b cowed..to rebuild..
..to b strong n unbeaten..to never submit to dat blood thirsty beast..

..love is..

.. d touch of ur hand..
. d kindness in ur smile..
. d smell of ur hair..
..d strength in ur stare..
..d power in ur face..
..d sparkle in ur eyes..
..d serenity in ur stride..
. d calming of ur presence..
..d beauty of ur eyes lukin into mine..
..d way u smile back at me..
..d sweetness in ur gudbyes...
.. ' you ' existing in me..

..is tender..
...is true..
...is incredible..
..is a fever..
..is madness...
..is a holy smoke made wid d fume of my endless sighs...
..is a sweet tyranny coz am willing to endure d torments willingly..
..is me caught in  ur  fire dat ' burns '  which i can't escape..
..is each day turnin into ' eternity  ' waitin fr u..
..is me wantin u to be closer to me dan my breath..
..is d ' reason ' fr every beat of my heart..
..is me filling wid ' life ' in d joy of ur presence..
..is wht makes a moron  like me ' brave  '...
..to melt n b like a runnin brook dat sings its melody to d night..
..is ur ' face ' floating before me wen i close my eyes....
..to wake up in d morning wid a ' winged ' heart thinkin abt u...
...is d silent sayin n sayin of ur single ' name '...
..is a winged cupid painting me  ' blind '...
..is my eyes growin moist widout any apparent reason..
..is my ' hope  ' dat floats while am sinkin in a sea of suffering...
...is standin in d deepest ,darkest valleys but still ' me ' lookin at d stars...
..is d thought of you n me walkin hand in hand..
..is to think of you n me as always ' together  '..
..is ' YOU '..n now its my religion n i m ready to die fr it..

..LOVE me n d whole ' WORLD ' is mine... :) ;)

.. magical L.A.D.A.K.H... ;) :)

..next to God,my place is d greatest wonder of dis universe.
...d vast sea of mountains covered in d thick blanket of white...
...d colour of d blue tht span d enitire sky splashed wid sparse clouds of white...
...d countless small rivers cascading into d mighty indus...
...d magnificiant sight of d chilling river mergin wid d indus...
..d grand royal leh palace still standin stall, withstanding centuries, overlookin d leh city..
...d soaring hillocks protuding into d sky...
...d deep gorges n d grand canyons cradled in deep slumber as if inviting us into its lap...
...d hills envelopin itself by d mellow colours of d setting sun....
...d cacophony of d birds echoing in sweetness.....
...d scattered manis n d chorrtens exhibitin its glorious past addin to d aura of dis magical place...
...d sound of d gong of a nearby monastery echoing into d valley...
...d rickety gompas perched atop d hills in secret conversation wid d skies.....

...it has boundless beauty. d beauty tht strikes d senses, d beauty of quality n appearance which my mind does grasp..
..i find delight n rejoice being in d midst of such a breathtakin scene
wid nature exuding such a magic..
..d palette of lights,colours,shades n shadows r d result of its invisible formula n i love being a part of dis nature's divine plan..dis peps in me oodles of energy ushering in me a new vigor n spirit....i feel proud to b frm dis mystic land tht still boasts of its ' chastity '..
..der is variety in every breath n mood of dis place..n every mood has a message n a purpose..
..its time fr me to decode dis message n read its purpose n fall in love wid d ' wilderness ' of dis place over n over again...n fill my palate wid d beauty of ladags.... :) ;)

..here i come.. ;) :)

..finally its time to leave fr home..busy packin things ryte nw..

..feeling very euphoric n ecstatic..at d top of d world..

..busy shifting things..as am vacating my room..coz its goin to b a long vacations to d hills...

..wud b meandering my way ryte thru d hills..feedin frenzily on kashmiri wazwan n treatin myself to kashmiri kahwa on d way....n enjoyiin d beauty of  d ' switzerland of india '..

..ryte said by d persian poet shiekh saadi.

."agar barroi firduasay zaminast

 hamiast hamiast hamiast "

..wud b finally gettin to treat my eyes to d sight of d majestic mountains proudly displayin its beauty n might..

..wud b gettin to watch d cattle lazily grazin in d thin parches of green..
..wud b gettin to hear d rivers roaring downstream always  in a hurry to join d mighty indus..
..wud b finally gettin to breathe in fresh air...away frm d hustle n bustle of d city wer life is nothin but cosmetic n fake..
 ..wud b gettin to hear d winds whisper to my ears as it grazes by..

..wud b simmerin myself in warm gurr gurr chai...

..Oh Ladakh!!!!...here i come..  :) ;)

...my ' imaginary ' gal.. :) ;)

...me n thee..
..fr each other... ' are '.. we meant to be..
..in my dreams n in my heart..
..i did see  ur ' face ' ryte  frm d start..
..dreamin of u makes my night worthwhile..
..thinkin of u makes me constantly smile.. :)
..i long to kno d secrets of ur pull..
..is it coz my sunshine is taurus d ' bull '..
..why is it ' you ' tht i ve made my goal...
..why thinkin of u makes my mind go out on a  stroll..
..' soulmates ' i believed wr once a myth..
..ryte nw its 'you' d one i wanna b with..
..tht our paths intertwined nt just by chance..
..maybe fate is goin to sing  'us' a beautiful romance..
..m startin to think,fr u shall i... take d risk...
..as i continue to travel ' you ' wid my eyes,promiscuous... ;)
..sumthin tells me dat ' you ' r d one..
.' thinkin of u '  is hw  my day has always  begun..
..havin u is d best thing ever..
..to have u is wht i want ' forever '...
..i often ask myself am i dreaming too far..
..gettin whisked into d abysmal valleys of wonder...
..all i need is  a place in ur serene heart..
..a ' place ' wer it never grows dark..
..prayin  fr sum magic to happen so very divine..
..so tht a day ll come wen i can call u ' mine ' ... ;) :) ;) :(  :)

.. captive imagination.. :)

" dey can put out d lamps,
   wer d lovers meet
but dey cannot blind d moon "


 ....in jail writes Marxist poet n activist Varavara Rao,' waitin becomes a habit tht slowly turns into addiction '.Time can draw out endlessly,a gaping maw.Seconds stretch into minutes,n minutes into hrs.d hrs move so slowly,u might almost watch dem walk by...

..in d movie  'Shawshank Redemption'..Morgan Freeman plays d role of a lifer..he says tht in comfinement one gets ample lot of time to think d unthinkable...
...dat is y prison writing is such a formidable genre..
..der r stories of prisoners gettin caught while writing..n der work being confiscated n burnt..but nothing stops dem..dey r ready to start frm scratch frm d very next day.. ..every prisoner has two things...which no warden can confiscate ,tht is ' memory ' n 'imagination  '...
...memory is double-edged,it can hurt or soothe.imagination too is schizophrenic,it can create 'invisible fears' or d ' fruits of creativity '..
..Cevantes 'Don Quixote'..John Bunyan's ' d Pilgrims Progress'..Jean Gebet's 'Our Lady of Flowers'..Hitler's 'Mein Kemph' wr all written in confinement..Australian convict Gregory David Roberts blend of fact n fiction 'Shantaram' sold millions of copies....parts of nehru's books wr also written in confinement...
..captivity creates its own 'imagination'...
..der movements restricted ,prisoners often look at der sorroundings wid a        ' magnifying glass ',revelling into d ' extra-ordinariness ' of everyday things...
..says Rao tht pigeons in d prison reminded him not of forgotten ppl..but of d bonds tht must b forgotten,not of past lives,but of d past trapped in d present..in jail prisoners wrote of ants,of trees sheddin every over leaf before being replaced by millions shoots one glorious morning..
..prison can do many things...it cannot shackle d ' vagabond heart '...   ;) :) :) ;)

('dey'... out here in d beginning is referred to d warden,'lovers'... d writer n his work,n 'moon'... is his imagination) ;)

..were u ' jealous '...

..O wicked creature of gossamer wing...
..sashaying by tht night i heard u sing....
..u tiny monster hw cunningly did u fly..
..dat night i saw d murderous,bloodthirsty look in ur eye..
..wen d sun was in luv wid another part of d world...
..dats wen Bam Stoker's  'dracula' in u grew bold..
..dat night i had an angel by my side..
..were u ' jealous '..i ask??... y in a group u all allied...
..u bit her many times wen d lights wr out..
..marring our world..turnin into 'hell' our night out..
..as u clawed ur needle into her u heartless 'bitch'..
..u left behind memories in d form of endless itch..
..u cud ve bit me 'bitch'!!!..suck me till u did quench ur thirst..
..stopped dat gory adventure for she was my guest..
..ur body swole wid her innocent blood, u no more looked lanky..
..i wished i were a 'witch'..cud ve turned u into a donkey..
..my focussing palm,hw i wish ur 'life' i cud get..
..but her besides me,u wr lucky,i was tied in d cobweb of her net..
..O mosquito!!!..ders a hell lot to complain..
..that night i thought of poisoning ur brain...
..i promise..i ll get back to u  in d twilight sky..
..every drop of blood of urs ,i ll suck till its runs dry...
..dat nite  ll b d night wen upon 'you' i ll predate...
...wid ur blood my 'wounded' soul i ll sedate...

..its comic.. ;)

..d 'perfect guy' is gentle..
..never cruel n mean..
..he has a beautiful smile..
..n keeps his face so clean..
..d 'perfect guy' likes children..
..n ll raise dem by ur side..
..he ll b a good father..
..as well as a gud husband to his bride..
..d 'perfect guy' luves cookin...
..cleanin n sweepin d room too...
..he ll do anythin in his power...
..to convey his feelings of luv unto you..
.. d 'perfect guy' is sweet..
..writing poetry on ur name..
..he 's a best frn to ur mother...
..always kisses away ur pain...
..he never has made ur cry..
..or hurt u in any way...
..to hell wid dis  poem..
..d perfect guy is 'gay'...hehehe ;) :)

...'special'...

..i was caught unaware...
..was too timid but fr her did i gulp d fear..
..wen she spoke i quivered...
...my body went numb as i shivered..
..but still i gathered courage n dared..
..coz i wanted her to kno hw much i cared..
..her words tht showered with care...
..i felt ' special ' fr d secrets she did share..
..wen she spoke abt her past...
..my heart started beating very fast..
..as time went by it started to unfold..
..she was d 'one' with a heart of gold..
..fr her i was ready to face d guillotine..
..endure whtevr even if my heart did whine...
..though i knew i was nothin less den a swine..
..in her i started seein d shades of my ' valentine '..
 ..my past relationships ve been a sham..
 ..dont want dis ' special  ' one to slam..
 ...dats why we r d best of friends..
 ...i ll let her kno wen my search ends...
..untill tht moment in d darkness do i grope..
..whts keep me goin is a mirage called ' hope '..
..i ask myself..is dis beginnin of sumthin to bloom..
 .. see d clouds clearin n d death of gloom..
  ..but i ll always live wid one biggest regret..
 ..dat is d ' sin ' i committed of makin her ' wait '..
                                                                           ;) :) :(